She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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