I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
