She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I want her autograph on my taint
Can I color on your dick again?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
