You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
