peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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