sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
