Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
