He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
