you mean i was at the winter classic?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
