I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
