genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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