I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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