Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize