He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
