marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
