A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
