I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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