I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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