Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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