this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
