how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
