i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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