dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
