Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
