guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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