yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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