The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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