Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
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