i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize