just tell him i said nine months
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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