physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize