oh god the rape fog is back!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
