Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
