Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
