You really coming over, don't trick.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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