2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
...so i touched it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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