if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
