i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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