My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
