I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
