And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
