Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
