someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
