Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
