I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
