I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
