Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
