you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
