the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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