Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
