i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I currently don't understand fingers.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
