Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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