Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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