Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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