Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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