Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
