Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just saw a hot homeless man
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize