His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
