Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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