I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
