Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
