I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
