I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It all started with a game of naked twister.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
