i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
