I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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