You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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