I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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