I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
it was like eating out sand paper
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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