Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
