I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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